Blue Light
by flying metal child
Summary: Growly's lyric wheel. Zim and Dib come to terms with their lives in a most unlikely place. Another chapter to make things right.
1. Chapter 1

AN: Growly's lyric wheel submission! The inspiration for this story is from Mazzy Star's "Blue Light." In retrospect, I have to say the most influential idea from the lyrics comes down to how people always let things they love escape them when they should chase them down. That's my interpretation. One shot ZADR, please R&R!

_Blue Light_

by flying metal child

"This place has the best pizza."

Gaz's stomach growled as she swallowed a thick hot slice of pure cheese pizza, gooey and steaming, relishing it as it slid down her throat and into her empty gut. Dib barely acknowledged her as he tore into his own slice, having skipped breakfast and lunch due to midterm exams and late night crams. Not that he was doing any of it. Unfortunately for Dib his dorm roommate was a diligent student slash party boy and the two made a noisy combination. Said stupid roommate was moving out of the dorm and taking all of his uber-jock posters and smelly shoes encrusted with fungus far, far away from Dib's old childhood knick-knacks. There was his UFO poster and the little alien bobble head car thing that Bill, the really crappy paranormal investigator, gave him at his high school graduation. The rest of his stuff, his past, was still locked up in his old room at the Membrane house where the Professor resided on a very minimal basis.

Another semester, and hopefully a better roommate...

His room at home was like a museum.

This place does have the best pizza.

Gaz lit up a cigarette and sucked in an unhealthy mix of air and smoke.

"I wish you wouldn't smoke Gaz." He looked around to see other people smoking where they were—outside at a little pizzeria/cafe like restaurant sitting under the spring sun and feeling a cool breeze that wafted a good dose of smoke up your nose.

Gaz grinned wickedly. "But it makes me feel so grown up."

"You are grown up. You're twenty." She shrugged and ignored his well-intended advice.

"I guess you'll be done with college early. What are you gonna do after?"

"Take a job with dad I guess and then maybe get my doctoral."

"You guess? Dib when did get so indecisive?" She chuckled and went for another slice while knocking the ashes from her cigarette at the same time.

"I'm not indecisive. You're the one who still hasn't decided where to go to school—come on, Gaz, it's been two years!"

"Don't worry. I know what I'm doing." She paused to swallow her food and to maneuver her thoughts into dangerous territory. After all, she lived the next city over and missed all the "exciting" things that happened to her older brother, but every so often they would meet at this restaurant to catch up and play nice. Play nice and stir up Dib's fragile feelings.

"So..." Dib groaned at her Cheshire face and tone of voice. "What's up with Zim?"

"Feh. I don't know. I haven't seen him in months."

"Lie."

"I'm not lying, seriously I haven't, and what's the big deal with him anyway? You always ask."

"'Cause I know you're still hung up about him. That's the most important relationship you'll ever be in."

"You make it seem like we dated."

"But it's true. When will you move on Dib?" Now her voice was taking on a concerned air. She discarded her cigarette and the crust of her pizza to lean on the table and look him straight in the eye, right past the glasses and into his soul.

"I know you think it's over Dib, but...when Zim told you about what happened with his empire or whatever the fuck that was, I just...we were all afraid for you, not Zim. I know he was messed up for awhile, but he settled down and moved on, but God Dib, you're still chasing fantasies."

"I'm not—"

"Don't kid yourself. Go talk to him and tell him that it's okay, for your sake. Did you ever do that?"

Dib shook his head sadly. No, he hadn't, and he really should have. Gaz looked at her watch.

"Listen, I gotta go. I'll call you later." She stood and briefly hugged him before walking away to find her parked car (definitely booted, towed, or ticketed). Dib sat at the pizzeria and ate a few more slices before leaving.

The day was still beautiful. Nothing could ruin it.

Oh, but Dib could sure find a fucking way to ruin it!

He got in his car and went immediately to Zim's house which was to the left or right of his old plot (depending on where you stood). Where Zim's base used to be was now grass and weed covered with a little worn trail etched into the ground. Kids liked to cut through the cul-de-sac on their way to school, and as Dib pulled up to Zim's extraordinarily normal home, he caught a few teenagers on their bikes squeezing between the lot.

Dib walked up to Zim's door and rang the doorbell. He suddenly felt naked without his black coat.

Zim's home. It's Monday. Zim doesn't work Mondays.

Someone's muffled voice called out from inside, probably a welcome, though to Dib it sounded wary and far from friendly. He turned the knob and walked inside the spacious, but sparsely furniture room. It was a complete mess. Both open and unopened boxes littered the floor along with computer equipment, most of which was running and emitting a dull blue light throughout the dark room. Dib shut the door and the room became even darker. As he walked towards the noise of clanging dishes coming from the kitchen around the corner, he looked at the labels on the boxes and grimaced with distaste.

Membrane Labs.

Okay, he had to admit constantly lying to Gaz was not his idea of being a good older brother, for right here in Zim's living room was proof that Dib and Zim had been seeing each other a lot for the past three years.

Membrane Labs.

Membrane Corporation.

Membrane this-and-that, etc., etc., etc...

Some of the boxes were signed with Dib's own name as he received the packages at Zim's house or brought them to the alien himself.

Not so hidden cameras monitored Zim's every move and now Dib's as he moved through the mess and into the kitchen where he found Zim doing the very menial task of unloading the dishwasher. Perhaps the appliance (and the washer and dryer) was the only comforting tool at his disposal since the government took his base and every single thing in it, including Gir. Luckily for Zim he was moved to the conveniently vacant house next to his former base.

Suffice to say the neighbors moved because of an unusually high power and cable bill.

Dib watched Zim for a moment before standing beside him and silently joining the task by taking clean plates and stacking them in the cabinets above his head, which by the way, grew into his tall frame and overshadowed Zim by two feet. Zim handed him a plate, then a bowl, then a plate, and then a glass, another glass. Dib had never done this with Zim before, but it gratified his otherwise idle hands and nervously cemented lips.

_I would ask you if you enjoy this lifestyle Zim, but hell, you chose this yourself. No one asked you to turn yourself into my dad after you found out the Irkens were a bunch of fucking bastards. No one! God, I told you that you didn't have to do that, but you felt worthless and alone...You got so goddamned lucky that my dad is a totally benevolent scientist who values all life._

_Well, benevolent until he turned a blind eye for a stupid second, then the other scientists got their greedy hands on you and did all the things I had been drawing on paper since I was eleven. _

_So, Zim, how's that three year old y-shaped scar on you chest healing? The autopsy was your free ticket, and it's okay because they gave you a dishwasher and this house and a camera in every room and a chip buried in your skin to track you and a job with my father doing hush-hush government work making weapons and viruses and death in all its myriad forms._

_And Gaz has the gall to tell me I'm indecisive. I've been working with Zim and dad from day one and you don't even know, but somehow...SOMEHOW! you know that I've seen Zim more often than I admit and you know in all your mystifying wisdom that I haven't told Zim how much he means to me as a friend, even though each time he looks at me I feel a chill go up my spine. I feel the poison in his glare, yet that hatred comes back at him because he knows this is all his fault._

_It's all his fault, it's all his, and I wanted to rub it in his face a long time ago but now I want to tell him that it's okay. You're the one who moved on in this stagnant place, not me._

"Hey," Dib spoke suddenly as he took a dish, "I need to talk to you about some stuff."

"What kind of stuff?" Zim asked softly.

"Work stuff. I'm authorized to tell you anyway, so...dad says that they're going to move you."

Zim stiffened and nearly missed handing Dib another dish. Dib caught it and Zim's body slacked when the words sunk in.

"Why wouldn't they," he said not as a question, but as a matter of fact. They did whatever the hell they wanted to do with him, body and all. Poor Gir.

"They haven't told me where you're going, but I guess it'll be somewhere remote. I dunno what they're going to do, Zim." What they're going to do, probably something bad, it doesn't matter because everything's gone to hell anyway. Zim's not going to take whatever's coming lightly.

Zim rolled his eyes and sighed as he slammed the dishwasher door shut. "What's your point?"

"I have no point. I'm just telling you."

Zim never offered Dib a drink when he came over. He ignored Dib for a moment as he rummaged through his jeans pocket for something. Dib looked down at Zim's feet, almost completely covered by the pants, and then back up at his white t-shirt and pak-less back. Yeah, that little device was the first thing to go when Zim turned himself in. Turns out all he needed to live was an internal clock and organic memory chips that were easily implanted directly into his spine.

Zim constantly talked about feeling inadequate and naked.

Talk about lacking. He found what he was looking for in a drawer and sat at the kitchen table strewn with the innards of a newspaper. He lit up a cigarette, took a long drag, exhaled, and let the ashes fall into a tray hidden under the sports section.

"I thought you quit! Hey!" Dib lunged for the cancer stick and Zim jerked it away and took another hit that finished the thing off. Man could he kill them fast!

"I need these!" Zim took the pack and lit up another. "Want one?"

"No thanks. Gaz smokes them like a demon thingy. Why didn't I smell smoke when I walked in?"

Zim smirked lazily. "Febreze."

"Cute." Dib sat at the table and unwillingly inhaled Zim's smoke.

Zim relished the feel of the noxious gas invading his lungs. God, such freedom.

"If they take away my cigarettes when they move me Dib-human...these are the only things left in my life that make me happy. "

"Oh," Dib grinned, "I thought your half-assed freedom made you happy. You know, you're pretty ungrateful to the people that could have killed you and stuffed your body into little glass jars."

"I thought we were saving that for a special occasion."

"Ha. Yeah, let's get together on your ten-year prison anniversary and cut you up."

"Fine," he replied in the most snotty way possible. For a second Dib thought their strange conversation bordered on friendly, albeit cruel banter, but Zim did not banter to anyone, only to himself and out loud. That's when Dib knew...he knew that he could never tell Zim the things he wanted to say because nothing seemed adequate anymore. Words were too lacking when one needed to express something so powerfully overwhelming that could only be explained in actions. Zim had never been his friend and probably never would. They were simply two beings who had collided in the universe through some twist of fate or faith and all that shit Dib didn't believe in.

What did Gaz know? She knew shit. She thought that her big brother was secretly stalking his obsession, which was wrong, and even if it was, it didn't mean anything. Nothing meant anything.

Dib was living in a dorm at a university that he didn't even attend.

It's all a stupid facade, like Zim's old disguise.

And Zim...Ha! An expedient to a goal that was never realized.

_Everything's just crashing me by and I let it happen, everyday. Every single day I see Zim being forced to work, to live, and I'm such a coward that I didn't take him down sooner so I could get the fame. That makes me sick. Fine, take Zim far away. I can't follow this time._

"I gotta go." Dib couldn't tell Zim sorry. I wish I could follow you Zim. Dib stood from the table feeling like he hadn't accomplished anything by coming. Aside from telling Zim he was being transferred somewhere for some reason left him empty inside and there was nothing to fill up the void that he made.

I set myself up to be so damned alone.

Dib sensed Zim follow him to the door, the smoky smells suddenly more pungent when Zim grabbed him from behind and spun him around. Fear never entered Dib's brain, but Zim's little fingers dug into his shirt like the piercing focus of his red eyes trying to tell him something without words.

"Zim?"

"Would you come see me tomorrow...after work?" Zim asked breathless.

"I don't know, wha—"

"No questions. Promise me you'll come." The alien claws sank deeper yet there was no pain in the grip, only desperation to hold Dib's attention. Zim narrowed his eyes and his antennae flared back in caution. The cameras hidden in his so-called home watched from corners and ceilings. Dib's vision fluttered as he thought of them. Zim's eyes, so menacing. The cameras, always watching.

_Something's happening. I can taste it._

Dib was barely able to utter, "I promise." Zim sucked in a deep draught of air in relief.

"You promise." Simply a statement to preserve the words. You promise, Dib.

"Okay," Zim added weakly. Dib noticed Zim's hands were shaking as they slid off of his arms, so tight in the beginning yet weak in the end, like an ironic stupid epic parody of their lives...hard, strong, weak, ending, death...always in the end, an end itself.

Dib didn't understand Zim.

He went home to the dorm, to a room sans a roommate, to a room with no purpose.

It's just where I live. I miss that I didn't get to experience college life. Stupid dad. Stupid Zim.

_You know what? Fuck Zim! I'll probably walk into his house tomorrow and find him hung from the ceiling or split open from one of his sharp kitchen knives...Zim'd never kill himself._

Dib kicked his bed in frustration and glared at the unused text books on his desk.

_I really regret all of this. Just so convenient that dad's lab is close to here. _

_Wish I could have stayed back home in my own room with all my stuff...God, I really am stuck in the past. I'm wishing for all my stuff! Not just my crappy posters and my roughed up carpet! _

_I want my past back, I want my old videos of Zim, my old photos, my old research, my old feelings, the old experiences with Zim that were taken away when he tore himself away from me! Me, me, me I want to be jealous and selfish right now. I'm owed something and I'll never get it!_

_Too bad that something is Zim. I can't have Zim._

Night fell. Daylight again. Work again. Seeing Zim forced to work. Forced, or willingly coerced? It's the same thing, doesn't matter.

It's Tuesday. Zim works on Tuesday. Dib waited after work to make sure Zim got home before he started his car and drove over. There's the empty lot. Ringing the doorbell. Zim flung open the door.

"What do you want Zim?" Dib asked of Zim's request to come.

"Sit in here and I'll be right back." Zim pointed at an empty spot on the sofa as he swiftly walked upstairs. Dib sat for less than a minute before Zim came back down and ordered him out of his house.

"W-what? I thought you--"

"Out!" Frowning, and very perturbed that Zim asked for his presence only to turn him away, Dib walked to the door with Zim following close behind, so close because Zim's hands were on his back pushing him out. Dib opened the door and would have stepped out, but Zim's hands grabbed him, spun him around...deja vu. This felt like yesterday, only this time Zim stood on his tip-toes and stole a deep kiss from Dib. Deep and invading, tasting sweet, tinged with nicotine, smoke, menthol.

Those lips left Dib numb.

Zim barely offered an expressionless view of his face and red eyes as the door shut Dib away.

What a kiss, Dib thought, and my first kiss...with anyone, with Zim. It could be ironic if it wasn't so real.

Dib waited until he was in his car and half-way down the busy freeway before fishing out the thing Zim kissed into his mouth. He didn't feel so much used as he did embarrass because of the cameras in Zim's house, a few of which certainly captured the intimate moment.

Who back at Membrane Labs was scratching their heads or laughing?

Hell, his father would see it! Dib held the tiny chip between his fingers as his other hand held the wheel of his car steady on a course for the dorms. It seemed to be something snatched from a regular computer, but if Dib knew Zim (and he did), the very action of putting something in his alien mouth and delivering it in the manner he had warranted investigation.

It's a message.

Imagine Dib's excitement when he attached the chip haphazardly into his beloved laptop and found...something. Dib cocked his head in confusion at the picture of a beach with a low hill or mountain as its point of horizon. It was something from a postcard. Tropical. Palm trees. A visible breeze, gentle lapping green waves, sugary sand. Was this all? A picture? Dib tried to open more of the chip's secrets but it yielded nothing but the ocean and a blue, blue sky.

_Zim's retarded_, Dib thought. He slammed his laptop shut.

Why the fuck would Zim worry about giving me a computer chip with a stupid picture? Maybe if he had smuggled out some of my dad's super secret plans for a sinister plan then that would be more acceptable than a picture of a beach. Christ he kissed me to get that out of his house!

_Zim's not retarded, he's insane_. Dib removed the chip from his computer and threw it into a desk drawer among other things Dib considered useless.

Useless? Not so much when Dib began to get ready for work the next day. He woke up with a severe headache due to lack of sleep, dreams plagued with Zim and his poisonous kiss. It was poison--if by design it stayed in his blood and infected his thoughts. So it had. Such a sweet and bitter poison, foul yet delicious. Dib knew he was too lonely when the mere memory of the touch sent him into a better place...Was that the message in the picture? A better place? Dib got in his car to drive the short distance to Membrane Labs, and when he pulled out of the parking lot, he answered a phone call from Simmons, his father's most loyal assistant, who delivered the urgent news...something had happened this morning...even before Membrane came in for the day...the alien...missing...gone...

Evaporated into thin air like a kiss.

_How?_ Dib wondered as he toured the frantic lab that day. Scientists and forensic teams, military personnel, all looking to find...how? I'm pretty useless now, Dib thought. He wanted to go back to bed and catch up on sleep, but he knew that he couldn't sleep, not with Zim running free. And what was so bad about that? He just wanted to be free, like a bird or a fish...a fish.

_The ocean. That picture! _Dib kicked himself mentally. _It was a message! He was letting me know that he wanted...ah! God this is frustrating! Zim where are you? Is that ocean real, the beach, the curve of that mountain and the palm trees? Is that where you are? Do you want me to find you and bring you back, or are you leading me there, to keep me? I said I couldn't follow you this time, but you were going away and I could not stop you. This time is different. It wasn't me taking you away, it was my father and the damned government, but you've run and when you run, I chase. Isn't that how it's always been? I like it that way, reminds me of when I was a kid._

_Alright. Let me find you Zim, find you in the picture._

Finding Zim in the picture was much harder than Dib anticipated. How could he possibly find the actual, geographical location of beach so vague that it could exist anywhere on the planet? The mountain in the back didn't seem too particularly unique, and after two months of trying to decipher the puzzle, Dib almost gave up--that is until he happened to be walking downtown after a routine lunch with Gaz. She didn't know Zim was on the lam (so to speak), but she knew he was gone of his own will.

Somehow she knew Dib was searching.

Dib tried to concentrate on other things, like willing his body to burn the calories of the slices of pizza digesting in his stomach. Shops on the sidewalk were just a blur, the people smears of color. Then out of the corner of his eye was a picture of a beach tacked inside a travel agency's window. Dib looked at it closely. No, it wasn't Zim's beach, but maybe someone inside who knew the world might know. How convenient, how stupidly dictated by fate (you know, all that shit Dib doesn't believe in).

Dib showed the picture, pulled from his pocket, folded over, a cherished image.

"Ah," said the agent inside, "so you're looking to travel in Mexico..."

Mexico? Yes, she said. I know this place well.

How can you tell? I couldn't figure out where this was!

See this tiny blob? Your picture is not the best quality, but that is a statue of two mermaids. Good surfing--though, that was when I was very young. I met my husband there. She had a twinkle in her blue eyes.

It's a beautiful place. Enjoy your stay.

--

Dib packed a bag and made sure his round trip ticket was safe in his coat pocket.

"Where are you going, son?" Membrane asked, to which Dib replied, "Going on a vacation."

"If you find him, will you bring him back?"

Dib looked his father straight in the eye, or as much as he could behind the goggles. He thought he saw sympathy there. Membrane did not want to harm Zim, rather, he had come to develop affection for the strange alien, much like his affection for Dib. Blood is thicker than water, but as Dib reasoned, blood is just blood.

"I don't know," Dib said, then suddenly knew what would happen if he did find Zim.

"No, I won't. Will you still look for him?"

"I..." Membrane paused. "I have no choice." Dib nodded and held his bag tightly.

"Will you come back, Dib?"

Dib smiled. "Yeah, I will." Membrane and Dib hugged for the first time in years. It was a gesture and a feeling that ran through Dib's veins as he left Membrane Labs, and his father's legacy behind. He wasn't sure if he had lied to his father, about coming back home, but he hadn't lied about Zim, for as much as he wanted things to go back to normal, he wanted even more to be free from obligation. Like Zim wanted to be free from his prison, Dib wanted to be free from Zim.

Ironic. He was running to his prison.

In Mexico, in the warm sun, irony didn't matter. The beach and the mermaid statue welcomed Dib to a place of surreal existence. Hotels sprawled out along the ocean and shops for tourists littered every street, the dichotomy of nature and man, beauty and defiant ugliness. Dib wasn't here to shop, though it seemed every one here wanted to pick up a knick-knack easily found in their own country--it was simply the novelty of buying it here. For a moment Dib became lost in the mire of frivolity. The people and the sounds and the smells were utterly overwhelming to one whose quest seemed nearly impossible.

To be in the midst of one's goal, yet not quite knowing how to get there. If he looked long enough, hard enough, Dib could find Zim, but how long would it take? The city was big enough to hide someone whose very face would stick out in an instant. That's too obvious, Dib thought. He'll hide somewhere away from the population to hide his skin...

Or so he thought. Dib spent the first week's search in depressing frustration, but he soon noticed a person whose presence seemed unlikely considering that Dib was jumping around random places in the city. First he thought this place would yield Zim and then another, yet all he found was this face in the crowd, near his table at a cafe, looking on the same beach, looking at him. After the second week of seeing this young man, Dib feared that he was being targeted for some sinister purpose, be it to rob him, murder him, rape him, or just damn kill him. The guy following him seemed normal enough and he did not seem to hail from Mexico. Too pale, brown hair, light colored eyes seen when he came too close once. Dib did not want to get too carried away. Maybe he was a local resident and maybe Dib was being too stereotypical.

Dib was looking on the beach again, this time from his hotel room on the sixth floor. Good thing about being a famous scientist's son...lots of money and unlimited access to it. Even when Membrane knew his son was looking for his missing property (so to speak) he could not bring himself to cut Dib off.

Dib leaned over the balcony to watch the sunset. A breeze ruffled his hair. Zim was always in his thoughts. Zim haunted him. Had he ever existed? Dib closed his eyes. Of course he exists. He exists...out of the corner of his eye. Speak of the devil, no not Zim, the other devil. That guy! Jesus he's on the balcony two doors on my left! Fucking stalker. Okay, don't look. Just back into the room and make sure the door's locked. Door's not locked, locking now.

Knock.

Knock.

Knock.

Dib's hand slipped from the lock.

"Who is it?" he asked stupidly. He looked through the peep-hole. "I don't know who you are," Dib said boldly, "but stop following me you creep! I hope you speak English because I don't speak Spanish. Just go away!" Dib stepped back. He heard footsteps. Sighing he turned his back and then...click! The door flung open to reveal his stalker in all his glory.

"HEY GET OUT!"

"Dib!"

"Wha--"

"Be quiet human," the stranger peeked out of the door suspiciously before relocking it.

The voice was unmistakable.

"Zim?" Said alien pushed a button on his watch and human skin melted away to green, hair became delicate antennae and pathetically human eyes were replaced by brilliant red.

"Zim. How did you...where...how?"

"Yes, yes my escape was amazing, Dib-human." Zim skirted by Dib and shut the drapes to the balcony. The sunset was filtered through and left an eerie orange glow in the room. Zim sat on the edge of the bed and looked utterly smug.

"You were following me," Dib said simply.

"I had to make sure you came alone."

"But...how did you escape?"

Zim chuckled. "If I told you I'd have to kill you. Actually, it was three years in the making but I had to rush it a bit when you unexpectedly told me of my upcoming move. I'm surprised I didn't get caught. Your father's associates are stupid."

"And my father?"

"Decent, I suppose. When you deciphered my little clue, did you tell your dear parent where you were going? Or did you promise him you'd bring me back with your own hands?"

"I'm on vacation, Zim, and no, I did not promise that...just the opposite. I told dad that I wouldn't bring you back. You chose to turn yourself in and you served your time, I guess." Dib staggered to the bed and flopped next to Zim, their thighs and shoulders touching and sharing a much wanted warmth.

"Why did you want me to follow you?" Zim shrugged. Dib felt the tiny shoulder lift and fall.

"Why did you have to kiss me?" Another shrug.

"Didn't want to get caught," Zim said softly. His body turned to Dib, and Dib, sensing the motion, mimicked it perfectly, feeling an involuntary desire to turn to the person next to him. They shared a brief look before Dib threw his arms around Zim and pulled him into a tight embrace.

"I didn't think I'd ever find you." Zim smiled behind Dib's back and wrapped his arms around his pursuer, the one who would never abandon him because he..._he cared_. Dib had to care about him to go through all this trouble. Zim buried his face in Dib's warm, Mexican sun kissed neck and smelled the human's fresh skin.

It was a swift move, suddenly kissing each other, so casual...as if they had done this before, as if they were best friends moving to the next level of their strained yet steady relationship. This changed everything, but they didn't stop.

"You haven't smoked," Dib said between a kiss. The reply was a heavy moan, a hand up his shirt, and another hand working his pants. Dib reciprocated the moves and quickly both were entangled in a mess of limbs, twisted arms, sweating as if they were baking in the setting sun. The room burned orange from the death of the day, just as the sudden lovers were burning and destroying the desire in their bodies. Zim was receptive to Dib and let him crush him like the waves battered the beach, defeating the sand and rebuilding it simultaneously as the frothing salt water came in and out, cresting and breaking. Dib made and unmade Zim. Zim was the border at which he stopped.

_I always come back to you_, Dib thought as they lay under the sheets. Zim was sleeping when Dib slid his clothes back on and walked onto the balcony. Night had fallen and cast an eerie blue darkness over the water that reflected each and every light from the countless hotels and bars and shops along the coast. It was darkness pierced by thousands of sharp little stars.

_I don't know where to go now, but we have to go somewhere_. Dib went back to bed and lay next to Zim, if only to watch him sleep. Membrane would be on the move soon.

Freedom was precious.

Dib closed his eyes and listened to the waves invading the room.

The sound was strongest when it hit the shore.

--

"Blue Light" - Mazzy Star

There's a blue light in my best friend's room  
There's a blue light in his eyes  
There's a blue light, yeah  
I want to see it shine

There's a ship that sails by my window  
There's a ship that sails on by  
There's a world under it  
I think I see it  
Sailing away

I think it's sailing  
Miles crashing me by  
Crashing me by  
Crashing me by

There's a world outside my doorstep  
Flames over everyone's heart  
Don't you see them shining  
I want to hear them  
Beating for me

I think I hear them  
Waves crashing me by  
Crashing me by  
Crashing me by

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

I know some people wanted a follow up to the first chapter, and after reading Blue Light again I knew I had to tie up some loose ends. I just hope I don't ruin it! Please don't let me have messed it up!

I dedicate this to lies-d, whose wonderful support inspires me to be a better writer. Thanks lies.

--

Blue Light

Chapter 2

--

The only sound in the hotel's empty dark hall was the rustle of Dib's plastic bag of groceries...groceries being some of the local produce and mysterious products with labels in Spanish. He wasn't quite sure what some of the things were, but he was sure that he'd at least survive digestion. Dib opened the door to the hotel. It was the third one they'd haunted in the past four weeks of running and hiding. They progressively moved south. Latin America melted into South America—all of it's beautiful but often troubled landscape was new territory to explore. More camouflage. That's all that really mattered. To blend in like a lizard.

Zim might actually be able to vanish in the rainforests. Not even the rain could stop them. Zim said the scientists, in their glee to poke and prod him, had actually "cured" his allergy to water, but it was the confidence in which Zim said it that made Dib believe. Zim had taken him down to the ocean that first week. He was disguised as a human and had waded in the water as if he'd done it a thousand times. The water lapped around his bare legs and then to his torso. He'd pulled Dib out so far that the water came up to their necks and the waves—soft and lulling—pulling even more, it felt like the sea was making love to them. Dib remembered the waves hitting his neck. It made him panic when Zim pulled him out a little more so that it came only an inch above their chins. Zim was quiet but stayed next to Dib the entire time

Dib wasn't afraid of water. He was afraid of Zim blindly leading him somewhere he didn't want to go.

But, that moment had made normalcy possible and it made his fears controllable. And it was afterwards when they'd gone up to their room to dry off and instead got lost in kissing in the bathroom--that too had felt normal and he had felt unafraid.

But it didn't last. Zim insisted, as he always had in that harsh commanding tone, that they leave and go deeper into Mexico to get as far away from the border as possible. This wasn't far enough, he'd said.

So they moved four times.

Funny, didn't feel like they were going anywhere.

Dib entered the room and tossed the bag on the little round table in the corner. The curtains were drawn as usual. Dib got a fit of paranoia and went back to the door to check the locks. Zim barely gave him a glance from the bed. His red eyes were glued to the TV. It looked like the news but there were wacky elements that could have made it a sitcom or a game show

"Hey," Dib said softly and sat next to him. Zim didn't say anything. Dib sighed and lay back on the bed and closed his eyes. The strain was getting to both of them. Zim wanted to move yet again. Quickly and farther. No stopping this time. Go south, get out of this country, get to Guatemala and past Honduras. Don't stop until you hit the cities of Brazil. What was so important in Brazil? Zim said nothing was important there, only refuge. Always refuge. Dib knew that it didn't really matter how far they went. His father was bound to find them. It wasn't really his father they feared, only his colleagues and the government overseeing the company and the labs.

And Dib actually liked this hotel.

They were running from an invisible enemy. When Dib walked through the streets he was always afraid. Who should he look for? He didn't know and so he was afraid of everyone.

Zim only went out when absolutely necessary. It was a far cry from the earlier days when they played in the ocean. There was that nagging normalcy, but now it was just stupidity and naivety. Reality had hit them and the play in the ocean had stopped. They kissed when they felt lonely and only shared the bed to sleep.

Dib didn't like when Zim was cold to him, only, it was his nature. It wouldn't change the situation. Having sex had nothing to do with Zim being nice. He enjoyed it and enjoyed Dib and his attention. He wasn't alone anymore. His call had worked and now he was dragging Dib into dark places and neither knew if there was any light to be found. Zim sitting on the bed watching TV silently and with a brooding attitude...yes, that was Zim. The alien turned and looked back at Dib half asleep. Dib returned the gaze calmly.

"Did you see anyone?" he asked referring to possible enemies.

"No," Dib replied. Zim seemed disappointed. "I think we're safe—"

"We're never safe anywhere." Zim got up from the bed and peeked out the curtains. Night was at the window. Being in the room for so long made it feel like a prison. Dib came up behind Zim and put his arms around him. The alien stiffened. Dib felt it and it hurt. He tested Zim by kissing his cheek and then his neck. He needed him even when he was distant. Sometimes he was able to pull him back. Dib turned Zim from the curtains and made him look into his eyes. Dib asked himself a critical question: Can I get you tonight?

"I'm tired," Dib said. He pecked Zim on the cheek and then on his lips, but there was no reaction.

"Go to bed then," he replied dully. He wasn't looking at Dib anymore.

"Zim...I'm tired of sleeping alone. Why won't you—"

"You don't sleep alone. We sleep in the same bed." Zim broke out of Dib's grasp and took his place in front of the TV.

"I know you're not acting stupid. You know what I mean." Dib said softly, "I dunno...I just thought maybe it meant something to you. Kissing turns you off now too." Dib turned to Zim. "Tell me to stop and I will. Tell me that what you want us to be and I'll say okay, but don't keep letting me kiss you and say things to you when you don't want it anymore. I'm beyond all that spur of the moment passion shit. I have feelings for you." Zim's jaw was clenched tight. Maybe so tight he'd never be able to open it again. Dib was afraid he'd made Zim angrier than he already was. There was no emotion in his eyes, only the TV's reflection.

I have feelings for you? Dib laughed once. "Did you just hear what I said?" Dib rolled his eyes at Zim and looked through his groceries. This hotel had its own little kitchen and since he was hungry, he made…something. It looked like a taco bred with a burrito and maybe chili. It tasted like heaven.

The moment of uncomfortable realization that your relationship is going nowhere usually disappears when your stomach's emotions take over.

"This is pretty good," Dib said from the round table." He was behind Zim and could watch him without alerting any suspicion. Zim sometimes knew when Dib was watching but otherwise he was oblivious. Now his antennae perked at the sound of food.

"It's like…Krazy Taco but better. Gir would like it." Dib swallowed hard when he said Gir. Zim scooted back on the bed and rolled over on his stomach to look at Dib.

"I heard what you said...I have feelings for you." Dib started to open his mouth but it was full of taco stuff. The way Zim said it almost made Dib think he was saying the same, but it was just an echo. Zim liked to repeat things people said to him. Dib wondered why he did it. Maybe some things took longer to process in his alien brain; he had to say them out loud to make the words real. Zim squinted his eyes at Dib and his antennae fell back. It meant that he was calculating Dib for everything he was worth. God, Dib hated when he did that. So stupid sometimes, but so smart it scared him.

Zim said in a low voice, "Maybe I don't want to kiss you anymore." He rolled over and missed Dib's disappointed frown.

He added, "I don't want to be attached, Dib-human."

"There's nothing wrong with being attached. You think it makes you weak, but it doesn't Zim."

Zim didn't respond. "Zim?"

The alien replied in sing-song whisper, "Zim's sleeping."

Dib smiled and finished his taco.

--

Dib stepped on something half-buried in the wet jungle mud. He looked down as he walked away and saw a broken piece of pottery with jagged, geometric designs. He felt sad leaving it there because it was probably really old and important, but Zim was leaving him behind already. The alien, for all his mental defects, was in very good shape and had no trouble trekking nonstop through the rest of Mexico and Guatemala. Now they had just entered Honduras. Dib was tired. He hoped they would reach the town soon. People equaled technology...usually. Someone was always willing to let a stranger ride in their old truck for a few American dollars. Those bills were the reason they had gotten so far, but Dib was running out of ready money and was in dire need of a bank. Every bank in the world was guaranteed to give anything attached to the Professor Membrane name money.

But Dib was tired.

_Why...why am I running? _

_What if we get caught? What will happen to Zim...to me?_

Both Zim and Dib were dirty. Zim was in his holographic disguise. His pants were covered in mud and he was soaked from humidity and sweat. Dib had his black trench coat tied around his waist. Now it was just a stupid and useless burden. Damn he hated the jungle.

"What does GPS say, Dib-human?"

"It's only a few miles. We'll be there before dark. I might even have enough time to get to a bank, but I know we'll at least have enough money to put us up in a hotel."

"If they even have one," Zim remarked cynically.

Dib laughed. "Oh. Yeah, that night sucked." Dib's mind wandered to the night they had to huddle in a crowded train station. Something had happened earlier that day to cause all traffic to stop. Police and guerillas...maybe they were the same...swarmed like ants on a rotting carcass. It was one of the scariest nights. They spent all day looking for a non-existent hotel. It had been burnt to the ground by a militant group bent on causing havoc. Dib didn't care. He was tired. The train station seemed like a good sleeping place, but it was just hell.

Dib might have thanked God when that night ended. He never slept. His eyes were fixed open while Zim slumped on his shoulder in deep sleep. That itself was a precious moment.

He might have thanked God. The nightmare was still going.

The GPS led them to the town of Proteccion, Honduras.

The bank was still open...thank you God!

And the lady at the hotel asked in clipped English, "Hot water?"

--

Zim claimed the bath as soon as they got in their room which was fairly decent. Zim came out a few minutes later squeaky clean and Dib followed suite. They threw their dirty, wet clothes on the floor and dumped their belongings on the ground to sort and dry what was damp. Both were dressed in hotel towels for pajamas. When you've been walking for hours in the unforgiving jungle, the bed does not judge what clothes you have on. Dib wrapped himself around Zim like it was the last time he'd ever hold him.

Dib didn't think sleep would come as easy as it had that night. Zim, perpetually twitchy when he slept, didn't move a muscle.

In the morning, Dib smelled smoke. He opened his eyes to search for the familiar smell.

"Hey," he said groggily, "where'd you get those?"

Zim sighed in a draught of the smoke. "I bought them."

"When?"

"Ah…this morning."

"Is this the first time you've snuck out to get cigarettes?"

"No." Zim suddenly looked very stern. He threw the cig in the ashtray. "We're being followed."

Dib crawled out of bed. "How do you know?"

"I saw Simmons this morning…in the market thingy." Zim hurriedly lit another smoke. He didn't put it to his mouth.

"Simmons," Dib said in a harsh whisper. "If you saw him then...fuck. He's following me, Zim."

Zim narrowed his hard red eyes. "You think? Of course he's following you." Zim crushed his unsmoked cigarette brutally in the ashtray. He started to pace the room, devoured by his own thoughts and concerns. "This was a mistake."

"Well, it would've happened eventua—"

"No, I mean bringing you here. You were a liability and I led you here. What is wrong with me!"

Zim looked at his broken cigarette in the ashtray. His legs felt wobbly. What a waste of a perfectly good smoke. He reached for his pack, but Dib snatched it up. Zim held his hand out greedily.

"Give it Dib."

"No."

Zim huffed. "I went to a lot of trouble to get those, Dib-human."

"Oh really? Enough for you to go out and get noticed maybe?"

"I was in my disguise. Like you said, they know we're here because of you."

"So. Doesn't mean you should go out for extra shit. I only go out for food."

"You could buy me cigarettes while you're shopping!"

"I don't like you smoking!"

"Give them to me Dib. Now."

"No." Dib smirked and repeated slowly, "I...don't...like...you...smoking."

Zim lunged for Dib's hands, but Dib put them behind his back. He was going to enjoy this little game. They raced around the room, tripped over the bed, knocked stuff over

Dib didn't hear the growl, but he felt the tiny strong hands of the alien wrapped around his neck.

"YOU STUPID HUMAN!" Dib choked. He didn't fight back for a moment. He thought Zim would let go, and when he didn't Dib had to kick him away. He coughed and rubbed his sore throat while keeping a cautious eye on Zim. The alien just stood there.

"Thanks," Dib said hoarsely. Zim turned his back on Dib.

Oh no you don't, Dib thought. He grabbed Zim and drug him into the room to fling him roughly on the bed.

"Stay," he ordered. "You've got a bad attitude about stuff ya know?" Zim was still on his back, his chest heaving with barely suppressed anger. His breath was the only sound in the room.

"Why did you even ask me to come?"

Zim answered in a sad whisper, "I know...there is a reason. I just don't know it. Zim can't say."

He whined, "Please give my cigarettes back."

"Fine." Dib threw the pack right into Zim's greedy hands. The alien sat up and grinned his satisfaction. Dib could never resist him.

"So I guess we'll be moving pretty soon if Simmons is here." Dib sat next to Zim, who fondled the pack tightly. He nodded. "Where are we going? When will we stop? I can't run like this forever."

"I don't have a choice."

"Then...nevermind. I can't—" The thought came to Dib quickly. He smelled stale cigarette smoke. It was a bad and impulsive thought.

"What? Tell me Dib-human."

Dib sighed heavily. _Say it because it has to be said. It hurts. Say it. Say. It._

"I have to leave you."

Zim gasped. The pack of cigs fell from his fingers. "No..."

"If I stay, they'll find you." Zim grabbed Dib's shirt, clung to him hard, breathed him in, had rage and frenzy in his eyes, wild and terrified. "No," he said again.

Dib held back a sob. You're so melodramatic, Zim. This is all so melodramatic. "I'll leave first thing tomorrow. You can't tell me where you're going." He laughed as a tear ran down his face. "Hell, you don't even know where you're going!"

"Don't. Please...Dib." The alien bit his lip. He was pathetic and cute and beautiful at the same time.

_Don't?_ Dib thought. _Don't_ _do this to me, Zim. Just let me go_.

Dib put his hands in Zim's little shaking fingers. He said with a slight smile, "Since when did you get so clingy? I thought you didn't need anyone."

Zim shook his head. "I don't need anyone." The alien cried silently.

"See?" Dib caressed Zim's wet cheeks, wiped away the tears, kissed his mouth gently. "See, you don't need anyone." Dib's lips fell on Zim's again with a new realization that this would be the last time. They went to the bed and kissed for a long time. The feeling in their mouths was sweet and sad, it wanted to last forever, but it couldn't when desire was meant to be spent. Zim urged Dib's body over his own. Dib felt the touch like instinct. Skin against skin, Dib pressed into Zim's body hard, heaving and thrusting roughly to make him feel the pleasure his body wanted. Maybe it was something more precious. It was the last time, after all. Zim's thin legs wrapped around Dib's hips tightly. His little body lifted off the bed with each hard upward thrust of Dib's hips.

Zim moaned into Dib's ear. The sound of a breathy "Ah...ah...ah" louder and softer, pronounced at once with a near orgasmic shiver, then dying away, then coming up louder, louder, longer at the end, but always the "Ah."

Like a chaconne, their horrible, chaotic rhythmic dance.

Dib kissed Zim's cheek. They slept. They awoke. They barely talked. They made love again.

The hotel room was their tomb that day. Who knew that a lousy Mexican hotel would be the last place Dib and Zim would ever see each other. Their memories were pressed in the sheets and their sounds were absorbed in the walls.

Dib's brain was overflowing. He didn't want to end this story, but damn, it was the same line repeating...over and over and over.

He was tired.

He was ready to go home.

And Zim didn't need him after all.

When the sun set and Zim was truly asleep, Dib considered leaving in the dead of night. The alien was hidden under the sheets with only his little antennae peeking out mischievously. Dib didn't want to touch him anymore. He needed to touch him again, but he couldn't. Should he leave a note? Should he wait until the morning and say goodbye to his pretty red eyes? They would cry. He couldn't see him cry again.

Dib didn't want to cry again.

So...he left. He left a note that said: _I'll see you again, Zim_.

It wasn't a prophecy. It was just an empty reassurance. A hope. A desire.

Dib didn't sign it. He had a strange notion of Zim seeing his own name written by someone he knew so he would know that someone at least knew his name.

Someone has written your name, Zim.

I wrote your name, Zim.

--

The last thing Dib wanted to do for Zim was make damn sure no one saw him leave the hotel.

He did see Simmons. Dib made a sinful promise that if he ever had to kill a man, it would be Simmons. He hated the man even before this whole mess. He could kill him here and leave him to rot. Who would care? No, it wouldn't be that easy. Simmons wouldn't be here alone. He was a thin man. His character wasn't far from. Dib wandered the darkness, a dangerous thing to do alone, but it was all for show and he let Simmons and his seedy entourage see him. It was after midnight. Zim was probably still asleep in the hotel. They were seated at a little bar in the main part of the town. Dib hoped they thought he and Zim were sneaking away. He hoped it worked.

Dib didn't know much about his ploy until he got to Guatemala. He paid a man with two young daughters to take him there. They all rode in the back of his truck. When he got to the capital proper, Dib took out a substantial amount of money from Membrane's account and gave it to the man. It was only money.

Dib cried for a long time in his nice, city hotel. Everything happened at hotels. He cried because he was afraid Zim wouldn't have enough money to get by.

_I shoulda left more money. I left him poor. Poor Zim. Poor, poor, poor…_

He saw Simmons at the airport.

Dib bought a plane ticket home.

The clouds were all around him. He didn't feel far up. He felt very low without Zim.

It haunted him for days. He couldn't sleep.

"You need to go see one of those doctors…which one gives the drugs?"

"Psychiatrist."

"Yeah. Psychiatrist." Gaz took a bite of her pepperoni pizza. "They can write you something for depression or—"

"I'm not depressed, Gaz." Dib sighed. The city skyscrapers towered over the brother and sister at their favorite outdoor spot. Best pizza in the city. It was their ritual. Once broken and now mended with Dib's return. Gaz couldn't say whether she was happy or not. Dib certainly wasn't happy now.

"So?" Gaz looked Dib right in the eye. "You haven't told me what happened."

"There isn't a lot to say. I left him."

"But you had to, right? Come on Dib, stop beating yourself up. I wish you'd believe dad when he says Simmons never found Zim."

"I haven't said his name in weeks."

"He isn't dead, Dib."

Dib shook his head yes.

_Yes, I know. He isn't dead._

Dib smiled. _But he isn't alive either…not until I see him again_.

--

One year.

Eight months.

Two and a half weeks.

Five seconds and counting.

Dib dropped a new test tube on the floor. What a waste.

"Shit," he whispered.

"That's the fifth one today, Dib." Dib cringed.

Dib swept up the shards of glass. "Laney, what are you doing in here?"

"Hanging out."

"You should be working."

"I know. But who cares? And don't call me Laney…it's just Lane."

"You've worked here for a month _Lane_. Maybe you should start following my dad's instructions and work on the amino inhibitors. Get a head start before I tell dad you've been slacking." Dib smirked evilly at his newest assistant. Lane was the most annoying girl he'd ever met. She was pretty in a severe kind of way. She smiled only when she was saying something nasty and she never listened to Dib or Professor Membrane. Dib knew her credentials well. So she graduated from M.I.T. with the highest honors, didn't mean she was any good.

"Oh, I finished those." Lane put her hands on her very slim hips. Damn cocky too.

"Yeah right. You just got that assignment two days ago. There's no way you could—"

Lane whipped some folded papers from her chart and handed them to Dib. He looked them over critically.

"But…there's no way…how did you?"

"Ha! I didn't graduate from M.I.T. for nothing…Dibby. Besides, I had help from Simmons new lab techie. God he's the best." Dib sighed and gave Lane her lab results back. He ignored the "Dibby."

"Yeah I heard he got someone new." Dib wanted to destroy something whenever he saw Simmons or heard his sniveling voice.

It reminded him too much…

Dib grinned. "So, you had to have help. Maybe you aren't the best after all." Lane snorted. "What's his name?"

"Who?"

"Simmons' new pet."

Lane's mouth made pretty little oval. "Tak."

Tak?

"He's pretty hot too, not like you Dibby. You're cute in a not snobby kind of way. Tak is uber-bastard. He hates my guts." Lane puffed out her chest and smiled. She acted like she was proud of this Tak guy's behavior.

Tak. Tak. Tak. Dib said the name over and over in his head. That name was cutting it close. Was it just a coincidence? Tak was too Irken of a name to be tossed around lightly…Zim?

"Where's Tak now? I'd like to meet him."

"Really? Alright. He's in A-320 now."

Lab A-320. It's where all the leftovers of Zim's life were. Dib peeked through the glass window and saw a man with black hair working on something at a lab table. He entered silently but somehow managed to catch the man's attention. His face was handsome, albeit cold and apathetic. Such deep blue eyes. Dib stood at the other side of the table.

"Hi," Dib greeted. "I'm—"

"You're Dib Membrane. I know who you are."

Ouch. Dib rolled his eyes. "You must be Tak."

"Yes."

"That's an unusual name," Dib said casually. He added, "Where are you from?"

"Russian. California."

"Huh?"

Tak sighed and put down his pen. Dib tried to make out what he was writing.

"The name is Russian. I'm from California. Now can you please leave me alone? I'm very busy." The lab setup looked complicated indeed. Tak seemed to have a grasp of the alien technology but he didn't seem haughty about it.

"What are you working on?"

Tak narrowed his eyes dangerously. "An infinite energy absorption device."

A what? Dib didn't want to betray his ignorance; he nodded slowly. "Okay, well…good luck then." Dib started to leave the room, but he stopped at the door and said to Tak.

"Maybe one day we can work on something together."

There was a short pause.

"Perhaps..." Tak looked over his shoulder and smiled. "…_Dib_."

--

end.


End file.
